A Frozen night, and not from Elsa.

My husband woke me up just before midnight -and my first thought was to kill him because I had JUST fallen asleep and was pissed, but he had a good reason- to inform me that it was unusually cold in the house. Like, the same as the outside single digits feeling cold. Just our luck, something was wrong with our heat. We had oil delivered recently so I knew it couldn’t be that. He tried different things for almost an hour, but we just had to give up it was almost 1 am, no one was awake, and there was nothing we could do. I have a little space heater, so I figured we’d be okay with the bedroom door closed all crammed in there. Trying to keep the tiniest bit of heat inside from that dinky thing did nothing. I was still shivering by 3 am. The kids were covered with two blankets each even. I felt so sorry it was rough (though they didn’t mind since they were in dreamland). They made sure they woke up extra early naturally. I was praying by some miracle we could sleep in until the oil place opened at 8. By 6 we were all awake and under blankets huddled in front of the heater listening to my son say how bored he was staying in one room after oh I don’t know, maybe 10 minutes. Our pipes also froze so there’s that too.

So yeah, I guess it was not a good morning. We finally went to Grandma’s house to be warm after 8 since she is right down the road. Going in and out of the freezing cold didn’t help either since the girls and I don’t feel all that great still. I wanted to cry I was shivering and couldn’t feel my toes.

My point is, don’t take heat for granted. Things happen randomly even when you think you’re prepared. I know people say these things all the time, myself included. But, I can not imagine any animal, person, living thing out in the brutal cold like that. Especially this weekend when it was negative below and the wind made it feel like negative 27 or so around here. Normally you get cold and you can bundle up or turn up the heat but it’s crazy that there are people who can’t. Even being temporarily cold for one night was intense. Apparently so bad that I had to make a whole post about it to complain. šŸ˜‰ So stay warm out there, and be happy you or your family is indoors and safe. It’s the little things you have to be thankful for, and hopefully, not when it’s too late. But hey, even then, better late than never.

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My little medicines.

I often say to my children while they’re not feeling well, “I’m sorry you’re sick if I could take it from you and give it to Mommy so you’re better, I would.”

It seems in this house we catch everything. We’re just friggin’ sponges to the colds and yuckies out there. My son had walking pneumonia back before December, maybe even around Thanksgiving and he was miserable. He would be upset so much, and I would say it to him daily. I know he knew I tried all I could, and I did take care of him, and I’d do anything. But when they’re sick they just don’t want to hear it unless you’re waving your wand and it’s happening then. I can’t blame them I’m the same damn way. I’m stubborn and if you aren’t easing my pain whatever you say is going in and right back out my ears.

Fast forward to last week. I had painful coughing fits constantly. I felt short of breath, and it hurt so bad in my ribs. Just a run down achy feeling for around five days before I went to the walk in. I seriously avoid going to any doctor always, so going should say something. My anxiety overpowers me, but I finally pushed and got there..with company. The doctor told me I just had bronchospasm and acute bronchitis and ordered me an inhaler and some cough medicine. Well, a low-grade fever and some more of the nonstop coughing brought me back four more days later. They ordered an X-ray and some new meds and told me no pneumonia was found but if I still felt like I couldn’t breathe to go to the ER. I tried to go to the store that night, and I was starting to pass out in there. I couldn’t breathe any better even though it had been a few hours but I knew my mind wouldn’t be at ease without another check. 7 long hours, an ekg, and another X-ray at the ER later, they finally told me they saw pneumonia. The doctor there also didn’t even catch it; the radiologist did.

I have a point and connection to the beginning of this story below I promise.

When I got home, I was still so sick that I couldn’t sleep or stop coughing. They say rest but mom to three never really can even with help, not fully. My son came over to my bed the next night. He said, “Mommy, it worked what you said.” I was so out of it I didn’t know what he meant and barely got out a “huh?” He said, “you know, you took my pain when I was sick like you said. I got better and you have my pneumonia now because you took it from me then because you love me, and it went to you for you to take all my pain.” I explained, in reality, it’s not that easy, where I can somehow take their pain, so they never feel anything but great. I also don’t want them to feel bad thinking moms always sick because of us, but it was the cutest thing for him to put together and say. I mean I would if I could take every sniffle, cold, belly ache, pain or sickness I could for them, which is why I say it, but it’s just wishful mom thinking.

Now I still feel awful, and I am in so much pain that I can barely take care of them, and do the things I need to do. I was starting to get depressed also just thinking how much isn’t going right. But when I have moments like that or remind myself to think of the kids being sweet, they help take my pain. They help me not be so down and try to figure out how to get through it in return. I think they’re better at what I try to do myself. That’s what it’s all about. Family love is a form of medicine.

Kaylee’s Birth

kayleeSince my daughters birthday party is this weekend and her 3rd birthday is Monday, I figured this blog post will be about her. A birth story, if you will. 

Kaylee is the only child out of the three that was well, planned. I love all the kids the same but with her, I was just aware of my choice. Ready to do two kids. My pregnancy was pretty straightforward I’d say. She made me super nauseous, though. I never threw up, which I did with my son, so I wasn’t sure being nauseous 24.7 was any better. It was constant. They always told me it would get better towards the third trimester. No. It didn’t. I carried her all in the front like a little turned watermelon; see picture attached. You couldn’t tell I was pregnant from behind and when I turned, man the looks I would get.

It doesn’t help that every pregnancy I got those looks since I’m so petite and so short. I look 16. Strangers at work always had to chime in and ask me about my age, is it my first kid or not, just my life.

We made it to 38 weeks and by then I was so done. (My son had come on his own at 38 weeks so I was banking on her doing the same even though they’re always different.) At my appointment that week, my doctor told me I was okay to be induced the following Monday at 39 weeks. She had other plans a few days before that day could come, though. My contractions did start at home, but I didn’t even know they were contractions at the time. I just kept getting hot and annoyed and not able to sit still. I didn’t realize I was going into labor because there wasn’t “pain” it was more just uncomfortableness. As much as I wanted to have her I kept talking myself out of it saying it’s probably just her on a nerve, and I’m not in labor. Even after having one kid already the feelings, to me at least, are forgetful each time. It’s new levels, new pains each time. I couldn’t decide if I even wanted to call the doctor again or go down if I was in labor because I wasn’t in pain like I was expecting to be. After going back and forth trying to decide while on the phone with my mom for about an hour, I finally called and went in to be checked. It was good that I did because by the time I got outside the hospital the pain side of the contractions started and I was sure then. I remember saying the pain was too intense. I was begging for the epidural saying I couldn’t do it, and I wanted to give up before it was anywhere near time to push even.

After I had received the epidural, things got better obviously. Then somewhere towards the end, I started getting faint. I kept feeling like I was going to pass out because luckily I usually know when I’m going to pass out every time ahead of time, I don’t know why. Then, sure enough, I started passing out. All I remember is a noise was going off because something was happening and a ton of nurses came in. At first, I was like oh great more people to see me and look at me. Which I didn’t want I barely wanted my mom or husband near me. Then I remembered wait; something is wrong, and that flew away. My doctor came in and told me the baby is in distress and we had to try to push her out. Here I am passing out and terrified trying to keep myself up. I just kept thinking focus her heart rate is dropping get her out now. I was overwhelmed with worry that she wasn’t going to be okay. I don’t know but when you need to do something like that fast you just magically do it. I pushed with every bit I could. Even though I had no feeling in my lower half, so I didn’t even know if it was enough. Sure enough, January 18th at 9:34 pm she came out.

He picked her up and out and I remember this image to this day: my baby in the arms of my doctor and he was pumping her little chest with his two fingers, and she was blue. She wasn’t crying she was just there. Like a little blueberry muffin. I started bawling because my first thought after all that was what happened, Did I not do it fast enough? Why isn’t she crying? What’s happening to my little girl? That whole moment with her being blue and the doctor only lasted about 6 seconds, but it felt like an hour at the least to me. My husband and mother were in the back of the room too because everyone came in and kind of took over, so they didn’t even have to see what I did.  He plopped her on me after and she was okay. She started crying, moving. So I was okay. That image will always stay with me and choke me up. From home to delivery she came in 6 hours. She was 7 pounds 7 ounces. It wasn’t a super long endured labor by any means. But sure an experience to remember.

As days and weeks passed we learned she had allergies. She switched her formula about 3 or 4 times until we got on a special one that worked. She barely ever ate any baby foods. My poor girl was always picky and wanted the things she just couldn’t have. When she was 1, we found out she’s allergic to milk, eggs, peanuts, all tree nuts, seeds, dust mites and animal dander. I even had to make her a separate allergy free cake for her birthdays. She has an epi-pen even, and it’s a learning process. It’s not easy finding things she’ll eat without an egg or milk ingredient over the years. I’m starting to think even to this day she’s bound to turn into a little chicken nugget any moment since it’s all she eats. She has awful eczema. She also has stomach issues and can’t exactly go to the bathroom without help from medicine. So she’s got a lot going on for a tiny little perfect human.

Sometimes I cave for her way more. Everyone says I baby her too much or she gets away with more and I shouldn’t. I can’t help it, or don’t want to. To me, I want her to be able to get whatever little things she wants and make her happy. I think it’s because she just has so much to deal with and pick around already that to me she needs it. I don’t think it has anything to do with her being my first mommy’s girl or planned or anything along those lines. It’s just about making her happiest. If she’s spoiled or a brat when she’s older well sorry right now, I don’t care. I mean she still has her manners and can play nice and all that. I’m content with how I’m doing it while she is still small. She’s only turning three after all.

He’s out in the cold?

I was going to post about what the kids got for Christmas, but I honestly felt too guilty after last night. You see, yesterday while we were out we were stopped at a light, and off to the side was a man standing there with a sign. The sign read Hungry and Homeless Please Help. So of course, maybe a minute or two down the road, Chayse asked why he was standing there. We told him what the sign said and how he was homeless, etc. and naturally he was filled with so many questions. “So he hasn’t eaten?” “Why does he not have a house?” “So he just has to stay out in the cold and just freeze?” “He has no family or money?” “Can we take him to our house?” “Can he just move in and live with us?” “Can we go buy him food and help him?” “Let’s give him our money” “What if we become homeless, are we going to starve or just be cold?” “What if something happens and I don’t have you and it happens to me” It went on and on. He talked about it the whole car ride home. He was choked up and upset. It was hard to see him so worried and sad about this man, in a good way though if that makes sense. We didn’t think to try to stop, which happens a lot to people all over I feel. Where we were at when we saw him, there was nothing around on top of it. No fast food places or anything close by, we were low on gas as is, Liana was crying in the back seat, so we didn’t exactly stop. I know tons of people who don’t even give it a second thought and drive away or ignore others every time; and others who would probably stop every time they could. It made me feel worse along the way because I wanted to go back and do something since it was bothering Chayse so much, but we weren’t even in the same town at that point.

In general,Ā people come up to us in parking lots all the time asking for money, they’ll have a whole family with them, or are fully clothed and had just got out the car asking for food. Most of those times, I don’t give to them because we’re barely scraping by. Honestly, I get it. Everyone’sĀ situation is unique, and you don’t know what it is like at home, yes. But to me, thoseĀ casesĀ and in the moment don’t seem that bad off as say, the homeless guy we had seen with no winter style clothes on, no car around and so on. They probably do need the help I’m sure, and I know it’s hard, but still it’s a difference to me. Even then, in homeless cases, I know some people do use what they get on alcohol, cigarettes, drugs, just extra money because they’re asking like that, who knows. That is true too, but not everyone.

It is hard every time I see someone who seems to need it, though. This is the first time it bothered Chayse and where he felt so worried about it. I explained ways to help people, in donating and so on. I mean we do give to donation boxes, drop things off at Good Will and food drives. And while that’s great, I was trying to make him feel better about the homeless man he saw.Ā So he asked, “How can he go and buy clothes at the place we donate with no money?” and “Well he must not know where the homeless shelter is if he’s out in the cold” and so on. I told him next time we could grab food and give something or maybe keep a bag of old clothes in the car for those times or something. I saw online a post about filling an old purse and leaving it in the car. One that has wipes, chapstick, gloves, tissues or floss and little things you would add, for when you see a homeless lady, which is cute too.

It was a good little reminder for him to see how much he does have and how lucky we are to have things like a house, different food, clothes, and a ton of toys. He even agreed to finally give up and sort through some of his old toys that he usually cries about us even touching, so hey, it’s a step. It’s also good to know that (especially lately) while I was starting to lose my mind thinking he was going to stay submerged in his mean sulky anti-love for his family and surroundings state of mind that he had been in; that he still feels for these people and has his sweet, helpful, innocent heart still in tact.

So you see like I had said, I felt silly wanting to post about all these great things we all got for Christmas when we just ran into someone who had nothing. Yes, we worked for them and saved and all that jazz but still. Maybe a different post it’ll intertwine.

Do you ever stop and help the people you see out? Does it depend on what they’re asking? Or do you let everything be, and keep it moving? Leave me a message below or on FB. šŸ™‚

I bid you adieu, Bear

It’s been an… interesting week. For starters, our family dog Bear, passed away mid-week. Trying to explain to your 5-year-old that their pet got sick and died is never easy. Especially because we explained that we buried him and he could visit, which might of been a mistake because he keeps saying he is going to go dig him up. I didn’t even tell him that night, I couldn’t bring myself to. I thought he would guess because he caught me crying and then kept asking questions but it was bed time so he got over it I guess. It worked out since I wasn’t ready to say it to him right then, anyway.

Besides that bump, just trying to get things done for Christmas is a chore on it’s own when you have work and three kids (or even if you don’t, really.) Chayse has been acting out a lot this month and nothing I seem to say or try in my little bag of tricks getting through to him. I just want him to be grateful for what he does get and not have that spoiled mindset of “I’m getting this because I asked for it. Even if im bad it’s coming.”

This weekend at work, my coworker and I were ringing out a father and two of his kids after they had found a present for the mother. She asked them what they asked Santa for and the little one who had to be about 4, said “Star wars toys!” which was so cute. But then, the older girl who was I would say, around 7 replies “I didn’t ask for anything, I just told Santa I want him to help my family donate tons of toys and give to others. I want him to even give the stuff my family gets”. It was the cutest answer I had ever heard. Kids have such big innocent hearts from the start that they just learn and mold from what they know it can mess with that innocence. They can be so sweet that I wish more adults were that way. Heck, I wish I remembered to stop and think that way more. I know I have to try, and thats what I want my kids to feed off of.

I have a couple more thoughts that I can ramble about and intertwine with this post but I’m going to cut this short and just say if you’re reading this, I hope you have a good rest of the day, week, and so on during these crazy times.

Are you ready for this week? What’re your plans for the Holiday, if you celebrate?