Schooools out for Summer🎧

My son has his last day of kindergarten today. It’s bittersweet, as I’m sure most people with kids might feel the same.  I’m so excited for him, but I’m a bit sad he’s going to the next step and getting so big. I know the summer is going to zoom by us, so I’m going to try and make it as awesome as possible. This school year did go by fast for me. I can’t believe he will be going go to first grade this fall.

Through the toughness of adapting to school, all the trouble he caused, and changes he went through, he did it. I’m just as proud of him for completing kindergarten as I would be any grade.  At his little graduation ceremony before he even got over to his seat, the moment when I saw his cute little self in his tie walking over I already had teared up. I envisioned him as an 18-year-old finishing high school saying “later mom” in place of my peanut 6-year-old. He told me how he was so shy and embarrassed being in the front row with so many people watching. Yet, he did such a good job on all the songs and dance moves too!

As it comes to an end for the summer break, I’m left with mixed emotions that are even hard to put into words, so I’m just rambling. All the worrying, the anxiety and the stress of being away from him for basically the first time and almost daily, was worth it to see him grow. He’s so smart and learned so much (which I know duh – that’s the point of school).

I’ll have to remember that “I miss him and want him to come home” feeling I have when he’s home for the summer driving me crazy with his sisters ;).


Chayse’s Birth Story

For his birthday, since I did this with the girls, here’s the story for Chayse.

Chayse is my first born and our only boy. Like Liana, he was definitely a surprise. In fact,  I didn’t even know I was pregnant until I was 3 months. The thought never even crossed my mind that I could be. I was going through a lot at the time so if I was feeling sick or run down I figured it was from the stress or crying I had done over the weeks. But nope. Pregnant. Once I got over the initial in denial and scary unsure about how to do this stage, it was a pretty easy pregnancy. At the time I probably didn’t think that but compared to my girls; his was cake. I did throw up a lot with him, and I didn’t with my girls (I was more nauseous and dizzy all the time with them, so it was opposite symptoms).

I was 38 weeks, it was a Sunday and almost 5 in the evening. I didn’t have any contractions the day of (that I felt) I was at the grocery store, then I went right home and started making a sandwich since I was starving. I made it but had a strong urge to pee first before eating. I went to the bathroom and went to pee, but I couldn’t stop peeing. I remember calling my mom because we lived together at the time and telling her my pee just won’t stop. I had no idea why lol. She said my water probably broke, and then, sure enough, we called my doctors office, and I had to go in.

Side note: My water never broke with either daughter, just him so another way his was different. I also used a midwife with my son only, then, later on, found a different doctors office and didn’t use a midwife.

So I arrived at the hospital around 5 pm or so. They had me bouncing on a big exercise type ball, and that did help. I don’t know if it’s because he was my first or what but his contractions (and I say this looking back after more experience because in the moment they hurt) weren’t as kill-me-now-or-I’ll-kill-you-as-I’m-crying pain as my daughters. But then I got an epidural, and it was better. He was my fastest labor and by far the easiest. After only 5 hours which everyone said was fast for a first labor, he had arrived at 9:13 pm. He was 6 lbs 9 oz and adorable.

Then I realized I didn’t have a name still and I felt bad. Being my first kid I couldn’t pick even after seeing him. Finally, I named him I think it was on the second day at the hospital. Chayse James.

So now I have all three stories. One thing is for sure that stayed the same in every pregnancy, and that’s the looks you get when you look like me. Everyone thought I was 15 and pregnant because I’m so tiny and you get a lot of nosy or mean comments. But, when comparing them if it’s because he was a boy, or my first, or my water broke, or whatever reason – his was easiest. No scary scar worthy stories like the girls just all good things. My belly went right back to normal and I had no stretch marks with him. He was my easy baby too. He ate all his baby foods I tried, and he wasn’t allergic to anything, he even slept for the most part through the nights. He walked by nine months, the whole works. I only wish I saw that then and appreciated it more after experiencing more difficult times later.

I can’t believe he is 6 this year. That it was that long ago. He’ll always be my tiny little newborn boy in my eyes.

Kindergarten and Glasses

It makes me sad I haven’t posted a blog in a while, but I don’t think anyone’s noticed lol. With my daughters birthday this month, then my birthday, then it was spring break from school, I have just been keeping busy. I’ve been trying to do more things with the kids while the weather had some beautiful days too.
Back to it. We recently found out my son has astigmatism in one of his eyes so he would need glasses. He did well for his eye exam which is so hard for a little kid to have to sit through and explain what they think is better; at least that’s how I feel after watching him. Yesterday, his glasses came in (if you see the picture attached). He was bummed when he first found out he would need them. He said he wouldn’t wear them, and he didn’t want people to say anything; he didn’t want to look funny. But I told him it’s still good to be different. Family and his friends will think they’re cool. That it doesn’t change him, they’re just like wearing sunglasses, and everyone likes sunglasses. Of corse, I told him about the cool people who wear them, including mom! 😉 I remember how I didn’t want to wear mine either. And yet now I will not take them off for anything. Now, I don’t like the way I look without them. So I know it’ll just hopefully take time. He picked out the pair he wanted (even though I so wanted to tell him to pick the ones that made him look like little Harry Potter!). He knows he needs them to see better, and they help, which he noticed when he put them on. It makes me sad though that at his age he already worries about what others think. Even if I tell my kids all the time how much we love them and how cute they are. How it doesn’t matter what others think as long as they like something and they’re happy. We try to reinforce we are here that’s all that matters. If kids say something mean and make them upset, they’re just jealous of how cool they are and maybe they don’t know how to express it and that it doesn’t mean anything. But, still.

He’s also been wanting to wear a little fauxhawk lately too – that he does himself if you took notice in one of the pictures. I try to fix it when he lets me, so it doesn’t look so much like he just didn’t want to brush his hair but, whatever makes him happy. He even got a good report on a reading testing they did. His teacher said he scored up to green, and that she isn’t sure how many others will be ready to do that. So, that was fantastic for him.

No matter how much you feel like you’re doing something wrong with kids, as long as they’re doing good, you must be.

My son has “shark teeth”

The other night Chayse told me his mouth hurt. No big deal, not like he hasn’t said it before. I figured he had a sore or something. I got him into the light and saw a tooth. A big boy tooth. It was growing behind his baby teeth, instead of under like you’d expect. Now, maybe you’ve heard of it or seen it before, but I haven’t. I immediately felt my anxiety taking over and felt sick. It was just a little tooth, but I didn’t know what was happening to him or if it was an emergency or not. I automatically assume the worst either way, but I didn’t let him see I was freaked out. What’s wrong with his poor mouth. Why do they have to grow wrong. Why my kid. They’re going to have to pull his teeth. I told him his adult tooth was just coming in, just like he’s been wanting to happen. He looked confused. You and me both kid. “But mom, my teeth aren’t out yet they aren’t even wiggly.” he said. I checked for myself, and he was right his cute little tiny baby teeth weren’t coming out at all. I didn’t know what to call it to even google it. I kept typing in different variations of teeth that grew behind baby teeth and reading through the stories. He only has one in for now, but you can see the other will come just like the pictures on the sites. Finally, someone gave me a name or, nickname, for it.

Shark teeth.

The name comes from what you’d think, sharks – since they have more than one row of teeth. Approximately 1 out of 10 kids can get shark teeth. In most cases the teeth just grow in behind the baby teeth for whatever reason is happening (either no space in the jaw or the root of the baby tooth failed to dissolve enough, so it came up on its own somewhere else) and then push the baby teeth out from behind. It seemed so much more painful reading it happening that way. In the other cases, the baby teeth do have to be extracted. That is what made my heart sink. Mostly because his weren’t even a tad loose. Any new procedure or pain he might have just made me sick, and my anxiety will stay high until the issue is over.. which could end up being weeks. So now we have a little period of time before he sees the dentist where we can hope they correct on its own.

On top of that, he’s getting his 6-year-old molars. This poor kid is like a teething baby all over again. At least, he can think he’s as cool as a shark for a little bit.

Let me know if you have you heard about it or not below or on FB. Maybe I’m just living in a bubble.

My little medicines.

I often say to my children while they’re not feeling well, “I’m sorry you’re sick if I could take it from you and give it to Mommy so you’re better, I would.”

It seems in this house we catch everything. We’re just friggin’ sponges to the colds and yuckies out there. My son had walking pneumonia back before December, maybe even around Thanksgiving and he was miserable. He would be upset so much, and I would say it to him daily. I know he knew I tried all I could, and I did take care of him, and I’d do anything. But when they’re sick they just don’t want to hear it unless you’re waving your wand and it’s happening then. I can’t blame them I’m the same damn way. I’m stubborn and if you aren’t easing my pain whatever you say is going in and right back out my ears.

Fast forward to last week. I had painful coughing fits constantly. I felt short of breath, and it hurt so bad in my ribs. Just a run down achy feeling for around five days before I went to the walk in. I seriously avoid going to any doctor always, so going should say something. My anxiety overpowers me, but I finally pushed and got there..with company. The doctor told me I just had bronchospasm and acute bronchitis and ordered me an inhaler and some cough medicine. Well, a low-grade fever and some more of the nonstop coughing brought me back four more days later. They ordered an X-ray and some new meds and told me no pneumonia was found but if I still felt like I couldn’t breathe to go to the ER. I tried to go to the store that night, and I was starting to pass out in there. I couldn’t breathe any better even though it had been a few hours but I knew my mind wouldn’t be at ease without another check. 7 long hours, an ekg, and another X-ray at the ER later, they finally told me they saw pneumonia. The doctor there also didn’t even catch it; the radiologist did.

I have a point and connection to the beginning of this story below I promise.

When I got home, I was still so sick that I couldn’t sleep or stop coughing. They say rest but mom to three never really can even with help, not fully. My son came over to my bed the next night. He said, “Mommy, it worked what you said.” I was so out of it I didn’t know what he meant and barely got out a “huh?” He said, “you know, you took my pain when I was sick like you said. I got better and you have my pneumonia now because you took it from me then because you love me, and it went to you for you to take all my pain.” I explained, in reality, it’s not that easy, where I can somehow take their pain, so they never feel anything but great. I also don’t want them to feel bad thinking moms always sick because of us, but it was the cutest thing for him to put together and say. I mean I would if I could take every sniffle, cold, belly ache, pain or sickness I could for them, which is why I say it, but it’s just wishful mom thinking.

Now I still feel awful, and I am in so much pain that I can barely take care of them, and do the things I need to do. I was starting to get depressed also just thinking how much isn’t going right. But when I have moments like that or remind myself to think of the kids being sweet, they help take my pain. They help me not be so down and try to figure out how to get through it in return. I think they’re better at what I try to do myself. That’s what it’s all about. Family love is a form of medicine.

He’s out in the cold?

I was going to post about what the kids got for Christmas, but I honestly felt too guilty after last night. You see, yesterday while we were out we were stopped at a light, and off to the side was a man standing there with a sign. The sign read Hungry and Homeless Please Help. So of course, maybe a minute or two down the road, Chayse asked why he was standing there. We told him what the sign said and how he was homeless, etc. and naturally he was filled with so many questions. “So he hasn’t eaten?” “Why does he not have a house?” “So he just has to stay out in the cold and just freeze?” “He has no family or money?” “Can we take him to our house?” “Can he just move in and live with us?” “Can we go buy him food and help him?” “Let’s give him our money” “What if we become homeless, are we going to starve or just be cold?” “What if something happens and I don’t have you and it happens to me” It went on and on. He talked about it the whole car ride home. He was choked up and upset. It was hard to see him so worried and sad about this man, in a good way though if that makes sense. We didn’t think to try to stop, which happens a lot to people all over I feel. Where we were at when we saw him, there was nothing around on top of it. No fast food places or anything close by, we were low on gas as is, Liana was crying in the back seat, so we didn’t exactly stop. I know tons of people who don’t even give it a second thought and drive away or ignore others every time; and others who would probably stop every time they could. It made me feel worse along the way because I wanted to go back and do something since it was bothering Chayse so much, but we weren’t even in the same town at that point.

In general, people come up to us in parking lots all the time asking for money, they’ll have a whole family with them, or are fully clothed and had just got out the car asking for food. Most of those times, I don’t give to them because we’re barely scraping by. Honestly, I get it. Everyone’s situation is unique, and you don’t know what it is like at home, yes. But to me, those cases and in the moment don’t seem that bad off as say, the homeless guy we had seen with no winter style clothes on, no car around and so on. They probably do need the help I’m sure, and I know it’s hard, but still it’s a difference to me. Even then, in homeless cases, I know some people do use what they get on alcohol, cigarettes, drugs, just extra money because they’re asking like that, who knows. That is true too, but not everyone.

It is hard every time I see someone who seems to need it, though. This is the first time it bothered Chayse and where he felt so worried about it. I explained ways to help people, in donating and so on. I mean we do give to donation boxes, drop things off at Good Will and food drives. And while that’s great, I was trying to make him feel better about the homeless man he saw. So he asked, “How can he go and buy clothes at the place we donate with no money?” and “Well he must not know where the homeless shelter is if he’s out in the cold” and so on. I told him next time we could grab food and give something or maybe keep a bag of old clothes in the car for those times or something. I saw online a post about filling an old purse and leaving it in the car. One that has wipes, chapstick, gloves, tissues or floss and little things you would add, for when you see a homeless lady, which is cute too.

It was a good little reminder for him to see how much he does have and how lucky we are to have things like a house, different food, clothes, and a ton of toys. He even agreed to finally give up and sort through some of his old toys that he usually cries about us even touching, so hey, it’s a step. It’s also good to know that (especially lately) while I was starting to lose my mind thinking he was going to stay submerged in his mean sulky anti-love for his family and surroundings state of mind that he had been in; that he still feels for these people and has his sweet, helpful, innocent heart still in tact.

So you see like I had said, I felt silly wanting to post about all these great things we all got for Christmas when we just ran into someone who had nothing. Yes, we worked for them and saved and all that jazz but still. Maybe a different post it’ll intertwine.

Do you ever stop and help the people you see out? Does it depend on what they’re asking? Or do you let everything be, and keep it moving? Leave me a message below or on FB. 🙂

Holiday Traditions

I am so glad the weekend is approaching. Normally weekends mean nothing to me because I work so they aren’t days off but, this time, I’m happy. This week at drop off for school in the mornings has been a sucky one. I have also really been slacking on my blog lately. I wanted to post every week or more, but with the holidays, I just can’t find a minute. I work in retail also, so the holiday craze and longer shifts haven’t been fun, but I should be used to it by now.

It’s pretty stinkin’ foggy today as you can see from the picture I attached at the top, which is my backyard.. and it soo matches my mood after the night I had with all three kids.

Anyway, my son asked me yesterday about what traditions we do at home for the holidays since they’re learning about them at school. I realized one of them had become going to see Christmas lights every year. This past weekend we went with some friends to that place around here that has a park all lit up with holiday lights. You can drive through it or park and walk, but not many do it since it gets so cold once it’s dark. We got out for a little, and the kids have a blast like always. My almost 3-year-old had a malfunction on a slippery leafy hill, but we rescued her. It’s just peaceful and pretty driving through lights. To me it’s a similar feeling of calm when you’re at the beach and just looking out into the water, (but I would still be far enough away to not have my little self float away 😉 ) worry free for a while. It’s nice to have something to do around this time of year once it gets colder and it becomes night.

I had also gone recently with my sister and grandmother to the hospital for a memorial tree lighting service they do every year for those who have passed away there that year. My grandfather who passed in March was a part of it. We went down and the kids met Santa and they sing and then they light up the hospital and the tree.

I usually love this time of year, and I still do, I just think while it’s happening you get lost in the chaos and you forget to enjoy it. I know I am guilty of doing it. Then once it passes, I think about how I want it to be Christmas time again.

So tell me, what Holiday traditions do you do every year; if any?

Kindergarten Picture Day.

Ah, picture day has arrived. My son is in kindergarten this year so I never had to go through this yet, but I have read many stories online about this day. Yes, that dreaded school picture day.  How it would be filled with worry, chaos, unplanned improvised moments. Yet I was one of those people to assure myself that I could handle it. Those were just bad days or silly stories for those people. Apparently it was a big deal with some of the mom pages I followed. I shrugged it off always- it’s not a big deal to me. I mean, pictures didn’t go bad in the past when we took my son to a photographer. I mean sure, so I’m in the background giving that death stare look. I do the little waves and stares so they know to sit still and smile. .and they better or so help me mommy is going to break down but, still.

I had everything sorted ahead anyway like I always do. The clothes were on the stand the night before. I triple checked the form was in his little brand new folder. Which I went out and bought because his other one was hanging on by literally a piece so I knew I had to. Which reminds me, I still would love to know where all the ones I bought when they went on that back-to-school sale for like, 10 cents went to? I swear all the stuff I buy is like damn socks that go missing in the laundry. I’m always missing something.

Okay off subject, so anyway, the form was set, clothes laid out. To be honest, he’s a boy with short hair so really the hair game was easy peasy come morning. We never tried on his new packaged shirt before (rookie move, I know). I just assumed since it was the same size as his normal school uniform shirts, obviously it should fit. Nope. It was so long it could fit me. (I’m very small) Not a big deal, we will just master the art of teaching my 5-year-old how to tuck in his shirt on his own in the 2 minutes we had left. I honestly wasn’t even that worried about it. I knew the pose we picked he’d be standing and it’s mostly a headshot anyway so I wasn’t freaking out about it. Cue clip-on tie. He’s worn ones like it before. They’re pretty simple and besides, I had put it on for him and tucked it in under his collar so it was the least of my worries.I packed his bag; drove him to school drop off; reminded him only twenty or so times in the car to hand in his form with the money in it. Then sent him on his cute little way. Crisis avoided. I think I did pretty well and was a little sad I had no story to go with it.

So I thought.

The end of the school day rolls around, and I’m waiting for him like always with one of his little sisters with me. Then I see him. He’s running over, shirt a mess, one pant leg literally was tucked into his sock, buttons were unbuttoned, tie casually just chillin’ on the second button-hole of his shirt hanging on for its little fabric life, normal as can be. I just so happened to forget, it was art day for his ‘special’ by the way. I asked him why his shirt was undone and his tie moved all silly and he said his teacher told them they could take their ties or bows off after pictures if they wanted. That made me feel better. I pictured that it had to be after recess, and art, at the end of the day must be when he unraveled a little bit. Why it looked like he got completely undressed to take off just his tie was beyond me but yeah we were going with it. I got no reassurance from him, of course. I asked him if he had picture day early in the morning before special, lunch, and recess or after (his lunch is very early like 10 am right after they get there for some sucky reason). All I got in response was some more “I can’t remember” and “I don’t know” comments. I wanted to give that whole “how do you not remember?! You just walked out the door two seconds ago?!” speech but I knew it would get me nowhere. He did finally let me know, though, that soon as he got there is when he took off his tie, and when it was time to do pictures he added it back.. on his own. I asked him if the photographer adjusted him or they didn’t fix it and they had just let it be, and according to him, they left it. Why. Why would they LEAVE IT? I tried to convince myself they fixed his shirt and his tie, but he kept saying they didn’t.

So now I have a good I would say, at least a months worth of time of wait to see these things. I’m full of images of art stained, juice residue blobs popping up in the photo. Or his tie being halfway down his shirt, or even if it is at the top since he doesn’t get the whole concept of tuck-it-under-the-collar, it’s always sticking up over the corners like a pointy triangle disaster. What if the pose isn’t as zoomed in as I’m thinking it will be? What if he did the mad pout face he told me he was going to do because he didn’t want to go. A million other what ifs can surface but I will never know…. well, until a month or so 🙂

Sure, it’s not as bad as some of the picture day stories I have come across by any means. But to me, at least I have something to share now. Even after that I do feel like the worrying and waiting is going to make my hair turn gray – just in time for Christmas. At least ill look festive then, right?.. right??

Technically pictures are in! So they did fix him up and it came out good. Worrying as always extra for nothing. I waited to post this blog so I could add his little picture with it :). That up there was the original post! 🙂IMG_8927